We asked hundreds of couples who are engaged, married, and those in long term relationship about the pros and cons of living together before marriage.
It may have been a taboo topic when your parents and grandparents were younger and preparing for their marriages, but these days it doesn’t seem like a topic that is “hush hush” at all.
In fact, most of the couples we asked said they lived together prior to getting engaged and married for several reason. Meaning, it’s no longer taboo for couples to live together before being engaged and even married.
Those saying it wasn’t taboo gave many PRO reasons as to why they were totally ok living with their partner before saying “I do”! Those responses ranged from wanting to get to know their partner on a deeper level to sharing the financial responsibility of cohabiting.
While it was a landslide for the PROS, some did mention they didn’t get a chance to live together prior to being engaged and/or married due to living in different towns and other obligations such as school and work. Very few mentioned not living together due to religious reason.
Here’s a few responses we received both pros and cons, we’d love for you to weigh in below if we missed some pros and cons that are important to you.
Pro would be, you can find out all the annoying habits and see if you can live with them. – Ashleigh R.
I’ve always been a proponent of living together before marriage. Contrary to the popular song, “Love is *not* all you need”…you need to be able to get along, work as a team, be compatible, be willing to compromise, etc. You usually don’t find out how well you and your partner do with these things until you’re faced with the mundane, everyday life that is “living together”. It’s all “fun and passionate” when you’re going on dates and staying over at each other’s house, but when you’re sharing chores, deciding who gets the remote, who cooks and does the laundry, who cleans the litter box, etc., that’s real life. Live together. Find out if you’re compatible. – Sarah W.
We were together 6 years before the ceremony. – Paul K.
We did not live together. We grew together as we learned about each other. If you love each other you can figure it out. – Mindy R.
I moved in with my FH three months in to dating him and I have not one single regret. We had about 45 minutes of distance between us and it just sort of happened that one weekend I never went home. Been together over a year and a half and will be married in April. I love sharing my days and nights with him each and every day. – Carly L.
Pro: You aren’t surprised by their disgusting habits.
Con: you have to deal with them longer 🤣 – Melissa R.
Michael and I lived together for 7 years before we got married. It taught us how to work together in daily duties. We had to figure out money issues and schedules. But we also learned not to go to bed angry and that sometimes you just need your personal space. I honestly wish more people lived together before marriage. Both Michael and I are huge advocates that if you can get through the first 3 years of living together your relationship will last a lifetime. – Kaci W.
Most important thing is how the toilet paper roll is placed, over or under. – Romeo G.
It was exciting to get married and then live together. Like a huge new adventure. And since we were committed to each other we knew we’d work it out… no matter how annoying someone’s habit might be 😅🤣. – Ella T.
You learn habits and behaviors. You learn how they are during different seasons (because people do change based on the season!) – Karen E.
I’ve been dating my fiancé for about 5 years now we got engaged in June and have been living together since February it’s been great. Of course they can get on your nerves sometimes but all in all the pros out weigh the cons I would say do it! – Kaitlyn H.
Living together will test you more and show you more about the person so definitely try it out before you make it official! – Shay W.
The first year of marriage or living together is hard. But knowing we were married and committed to each other for life made me feel so secure and loved even in the midst of misunderstandings and arguments. We had lots of disagreements but there were never “ok well then I’m leaving” or threats to break up if you didn’t agree. We were also both virgins on our wedding night so between that, never living together, and never even living on our own, there was lots of newness to work out. And you know what, 8 years married and doing it that way was the absolute best decision we could have made. Probably one of the hardest things we’ve ever done. We were in love for 7 years before our wedding night!! But I don’t regret any of it. We both loved learning how to do EVERYTHING together. From bills, to sex, to buying a house, to becoming parents. I was so happy to be married and experience it all with him. But I don’t recommend living together before getting married. – Ellen C.
Along with being an “elder millennial” wedding and lifestyle photographer, I’m also a family gal. I’m recently engaged to my best friend of 10 years, mama to a rad teenage daughter (who happens to photograph weddings with me), the owner of (2) cute little pups, and driver of a yellow Dodge Challenger. On non-wedding days, you’ll most likely find me in the gym by 7:30 am getting my cardio on and then hitting up my favorite local San Luis Obispo California hotspots with my fiance, daughter, and friends. Traveling adventures are my jam, there’s no place I won’t go with my camera in hand.